My little man is 4 years old

4 years ago this Sunday, May 9th 2006, my miracle baby was born. I'm not going to go into detail about that right now. I've been working on a post titled 'My Miracle Baby' for awhile now but it's a bit emotional so I keep putting it off! I'll get to it soon I promise but for now I want to share with you all the day Gavin was born.

Well, I'll start with the day we found out we were going to have a little boy! He was a girl for about 30 minutes and if hubby hadn't made the woman mad, we would have been expecting a baby girl! We went in and she started the ultrasound and was doing all the routine stuff and me and my mom (I wanted my mommy there with me!) saw 'IT'. But the nurse didn't say anything so we kept silent. Then she got around to finding out the sex of the baby. She said 'do you want to know what it is?' and my mom and I both said it was a boy because we'd already seen it. She said 'nope, it's a girl. See these 3 lines?' We were like oh, um, OK. But hubby must not have heard her or something because he said no, it can still be a boy. He kept going on and on. I guess he thought we were just talking about what it might be or something. She got a little frustrated after awhile of him arguing and said 'No, I said it was a girl, SEE...' then she paused and said, 'Oh, well, I guess you're right. It's a boy after all.' Boy, am I glad he was clueless and decided to argue with her because we would have had all pink stuff for him!

Fast forward to about 36 weeks. I started having contractions. They lasted all day and that night hubby was at work and they were regular, 5 min. apart. I didn't want him to leave work if he didn't have to so I called my mom. She drove 45 minutes to come stay with me all night. I love her so much! I honestly don't know what I'd do without her! We timed them all night and they stayed pretty regular and were getting pretty painful so when hubby came home at 3am I called the Dr. She said wait a bit more then call her back (she had a horrible attitude but I'm not even going to go there. Lets just say when I was pregnant with Gage, I refused to see her. I went to the same office but I saw every other Dr. there but her!) I called her back and she said 'You don't have to have my permission to go to the hospital.' So I went.

We got there I guess around 5am and was admitted. By then the contractions were 1 minute apart and hurt pretty bad. I always explain it as having done 1000 sit ups and was still doing them (if that makes any sense!) They check me but one Dr. said I was 2 centimeters and another said I wasn't dilated at all. They didn't quit the entire time I was there and since I hadn't had any sleep, they gave me morphine so I could rest. I didn't think I was supposed to have morphine while pregnant but they gave it to me anyway. We were there 12 hours and they never stopped. They eventually said I was just dehydrated and sent me home. The contractions did slow but I ended up going back to the Dr. twice more for the same thing. Contractions coming hard at 1 minute. No sleep. Pain. The works. The (terrible) Dr. gave me Percocet and sent me home. Again, I didn't think it was wise to be taking Percocet while pregnant but it being my first and I assumed that Dr. knows best, I took them.

I made it to the 37 week checkup and THANK GOD I had a different Dr. that day (who would later become my regular and deliver Gage) Dr. Watson. I loved her! I told her everything that had went on and she seemed a bit worried. She ran over to another room and grabbed the mobile ultrasound machine. She said she was worried about his size. She starts looking around (I made her double check the sex! It was obviously a boy by then!) and discovers that he's breech. When I heard that word, breech, my heart sunk. I had originally wanted to attempt a natural birth but was open-minded about an epi. Then she said C-section. I wanted to cry (and did later that night, like a baby!) She scheduled another appointment with my regular Dr. (oh, crap) so she could tell me about my options. She offered to try and turn the baby but said that it was difficult to do, was painful, and wasn't always successful. So I agreed to the C-section. I was scheduled for May 9 at 8am. I had to be there at 6am.

The night before, I was a wreck. I was in the shower and broke down. I cried and cried with all those things running through my mind. Thinking I'm not ready, what if I'm not a good mom, that kind of stuff.
I'd never known of anyone having a C-section. I didn't know what to expect. I was so nervous and heartbroken. This wasn't going anything like I'd planned. I wanted to feel the labor, the excitement of rushing to the hospital, the pushing, all of that. But no. Mine was coming on a certain date at a certain time. You would think that would make it easier but it doesn't. Not at all. I wanted to go naturally. When he was ready.

Crazy as it sounds though, after I had that meltdown, I didn't think I'd sleep a wink but I believe that was the best nights sleep I'd ever had!

We got to the hospital the next morning at 5:55. My mom was waiting for us in the ER! She was more nervous than I was and this was her 3rd grandbaby! She looked at me, shook her finger and said, 'You're cuttin' it awful close aren't you? I've been waiting 20 minutes!' Hubby wanted to stop at the gas station and grab a Mountain Dew so he could stay awake! I hated him at the time though because I couldn't have anything.

We got in the prep area and waited. And waited. The Dr. was supposed to have been there at 8. She didn't show. They got me prepped, put in the spinal block, and in she runs at almost 9 with a Starbucks cup in her hand. A FREAKIN' STARBUCKS CUP IN THE OPERATING ROOM. She runs in, grabs a knife and starts cutting. I felt it. All of it. The anesthesiologist lady just kept looking at me funny. Oh, btw, the whole time the Dr. was late, I was laying butt naked on a freezing cold metal table while she was bragging about her trip to Italy the ENTIRE time. She said 'does it hurt?' I said yeah. I guess she didn't believe me because she never stopped the Dr. and I was crying in pain and the stupid woman just stared at me like I was crazy.

Now, I hurt the entire time but the medicine eventually started working, somewhat. It wasn't like being sliced open with absolutely NO medication but it wasn't fully working. I felt EVERYTHING. She kept saying 'Oh, it's just pressure, you're not really in pain.' Bull crap lady, you lay here and feel this, it hurts. I cried the whole time. I can't tell you how much it hurt. I've never been in that much pain before and haven't been in that much pain since.

Just a little note here: When I had Gage, I had an amazing anesthesiologist named Edward. He actually done things right and was amazed at how long it actually took for the medicine to start working. He said it had something to do with the anatomy of my spine. The way it was shaped or something. I do actually have something called a straightened spine, not sure if that had anything to do with it though. But even then the medicine wore off faster than it should have and I was in a lot of pain by the end of that one too. I'll tell you more about that one next week when I do Gages!


They finally gave me some morphine once he was out. I only got to see him for a second before I passed out.

When I came to, It felt like only a few minutes later but I have no idea. I saw the most perfect little thing in the world! He was only 6.5 lbs and was 18.5 inches long. I'd never seen anything that small. Both my niece and nephew were over 7 lbs. I had a difficult time figuring out how to hold something that little but that could've been in part due to the c-section too.

I had really wanted to try breastfeeding but back then I was sooo incredibly shy, I couldn't do it. I know that sounds crazy and silly but I just could not do it. I guess it doesn't help that I'd never really been around anyone that breastfed other than a cousin and I only saw her do it once. I tried to after we left the hospital but by then he was 4 days old and refused to take it. I'm so glad I got a chance to do it with my second. It was wonderful!

I know this has been a very long post. I apologize for that! I only meant to write a few things and just show pictures but once I started typing, it all just came out! Anyway here's some pictures of Gavins first day in this world:

Right before the C-section

3 minutes old

Hehe, the nurse said this was the only time he'd be able to do that!

(Awesome thing is, she's the same nurse that took care of Gage when he was born too! 

Her name was Veronica, she was amazing!)

My little Miracle!

I was so emotional!I was swollen really bad from the medication and

probably from crying all during the C-section too. But once I looked into

those baby eyes, I forgot all about the pain!

Sweet daddy!

I love those toes!

Daddy putting on his first outfit

Daddy showing off his baby dressing skills :)

Cousin Ryan was amazed!

Cousin Holly was in love!

My little Angel